Last night we were staying at a friend's house. My daughter didn't wake up untill 1 am, and fell back asleep without nursing. 30 minutes later I woke up because of a sound. We had slept with an open window, and the sound came from over there. I saw a black cat sitting on top of the open window, about to jump on the bed where my daughter was laying. A long way down... I took a deep breathe, sat up and held a pilllow to protect my daughter and for the cat to break the jump. My daughter woke up as the cat first jumped on and then crawled under the bed. She looked at my feet as I was laying on the floor, trying to reach the cat with a plumeau and usher him out of the bedroom. She was right awake. And didn't go back to sleep for the next 2.5 hours. If you know, you know.
It's the end of February. We have been on the nightweaning journey now for almost 2 months. It feels very good to me to be on this journey and I feel so proud of my daughter for slowly accepting this huge change.
We talk about it regularly together. When we sit at the breakfast table I like to talk about how the night has been, so that she knows that what happens and how she feels during the night matters to me and is something we can talk about.
A quick recap. I have attempted to nightwean my daughter a few times now. The first time when she was 18 months old, then at around 2 and I now finally started nightweaning my 3 almost year old for real this time, last January. I say for real, because I know this is it. We will see this one through, till she nurses no more at night. I say that so confidently because I feel a strong boundary to stop nursing at night.
A boundary that I didn't feel the previous 2 times I tried. And I'm writing about this part, because it is important to realise that we KNOW and FEEL when we are ready for it. And it becomes really hard to night wean when you are not sure, and in doubt. This is often the point at which we give up. Which is absolutely fine too, we can try it again at another point in time. There's no rush. You will know when you are ready.
I have used an alarm to set the clock one hour later every week or week-ish. We are now putting the clock at 2 am each night. There's no nursing before that. I support her emotions as she goes through the process of accepting this change.
Quite soon she stayed asleep longer. And she now stays asleep almost every evening from 7 am till 12- or 1am. When she wakes up I then go in and hold the boundary of 2 am. She still cries a bit, she is still upset about not being able to nurse, but she is also slowly accepting it. And I'm so proud of her.
Sometimes we don't make the 2 am mark. There are times where she feels I'm unsure and tired and she claws at my sweater in distress. She cries out that she cannot wait any longer and she needs to nurse NOW. And if I hold the boundary and she falls asleep without nursing, she will wake up again 30 minutes later and the same story repeats itself. These are the times that I tend to give in a little earlier.
I hope that in time, we will be able to stretch out the time that she can go without nursing. I will do my best to keep the alarm at 3 am and be ok with nights that we are unable to.
When the alarm has gone off and she is nursing, she finds it very difficult to unlatch. It's like she now wants to stay attached to the breast as to not lose it again. I ask her gently to unlatch and sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't. When I then unlatch for her, she wakes up again and starts to cry or scream. It's hard. It's very exhausting. And I often let her nurse so that she doesn't wake up fully and we have to be play with her in the middle of the night and spend the day with an overtired toddler.
In the early morning hours, she needs the nursing to stay asleep. And it works very well. She catches another 3 hours of sleep. But it's a boob marathon and it's exhausting.
The next 2-3 months we will try to fully wean. I'm considering letting her know that she can't nurse until morning.
I will let you know how we are going in the next blog, part 3:)
Did you know I share a lot of baby sleep information on my Instagram account?
You can follow me here:
I work from a holistic approach, to me, the way a baby sleeps is the natural consequence of many other factors. I do not believe in any sleep training or cry-it-out. I do not believe a child can be trained to soothe itself. I believe that something that goes so much against a mother's intuition cannot ever be the right approach.
I do know, however know that sometimes patterns need to be changed because of our own mental wellbeing. I am very much here for changing something that doesn't work. But always with respect towards the baby and mother bond.
I will never advice you to do something that does not feel right with you. I believe YOU are the expert on your child and together we look which factors might need to be worked on, to reach optimal sleep. If you are also in the process of nightweaning and could use some help in an other area of your baby's sleep, I would love to help you in the process. As you have read in the blog, it is possible to wean just a few feeds, you don't have to completely nightwean at once if that's not what you are looking for. I do not recommend nightweaning for under 12 months old.
To find out more about my 1:1 consults, follow the link below:
Love,
Rosalie
Comentários