If we were all really connected and tuned in with life and ourselves, if we ourselves were truly mature and balanced individuals with the capacity to listen to our own parental hearts and minds rather than those of society, if we had more time on our hands, more help and less pressure, parenting in a respectful way, might just be what we all would be doing.
It is all already there. But we are not.
How could we be, when we were not parented this way and when we never saw it anywhere around us? It hardly feels natural if it is different from what we have learned and seen in our own childhood, doesn’t it?
And yet, some of us feel the pull to parent differently. We are not enjoying the constant reprimanding, shaming and controlling.
In parenthood, many of us indeed become the parents we swore we would never be! All the parenting phrases and techniques that were used on us, wake up from their deep and absent sleep and are, all of a sudden, very much there indeed.
And with both energy and time always short as a parent, we resort to those techniques without questioning. It is easy. But is it also satisfying?
We love our children, but I know and see that many caregivers are not enjoying the parenting journey.
It is really a matter of bringing awareness to the parenting moments we are not proud of and observe what is actually happening. We have to then make a conscious choice to do it differently next time or from now on. Naturally, we will fail many many times, but we will also learn so much about ourselves in the process. This is how we learn and break a habit.
We do this, not only for our own children, but for ourselves too. To heal the wounds of the past and to make sure we won’t pass them on.
I firmly believe that this is one of the most efficient ways to create a different world. By raising balanced adults.
And it starts by listening to our children. Really listening. Really looking at them. Learning from them. Understanding why they behave the way they do.
They are not out there to get us, or irritate us, or even test us.
They are there to learn.
To learn about life. To learn about you as an adult role model. To learn about relationships, to learn what is normal or allowed and how far they can go.
To learn about how physics works, how water feels and where it flows. To learn how to process their emotions when things don’t go as planned.
So. A huge but beautiful task lies in the hands of us caregivers. For those who want to.
If you were wondering or doubting as a caregiver how you can contribute to a better world, this is it.
And… it is enough. More than enough.
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